you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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