She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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