i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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