i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
