If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
