This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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