I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I checked into jail on foursquare
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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