wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
