I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
