it was like his penis was on wheels.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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