I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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