yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
love makes seman taste better
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
