Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
