well I can't set my house on fire every night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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