I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
