He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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