Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
