i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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