I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
