dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
