May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
