there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
