She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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