he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
