How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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