i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
