mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
