I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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