Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
