That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is Oprah even human
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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