I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
