garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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