The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
