y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yo dont text me then not text me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
