My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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