fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
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She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
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Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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