so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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