She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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