I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
