I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
