your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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