Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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