my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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