I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
