Umm I'm too high to move.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
