if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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