Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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