Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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