Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I touched a dick in church today
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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