Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
