I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
