i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
