WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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