Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize