if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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