So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i now understand why vodka
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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