How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
