dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
