I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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