But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
