the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
