i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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