if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
