i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
