we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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