he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
