You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
