Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Someone came in the potted fern
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
