you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
