you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
