He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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