There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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