I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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